breathe me

Be beautiful isn't obvious. You must feel it

My last year was a bit confusing. I was falling for one of my best friends before he went to canada. when he came back we met a lot and saw each other nearly two times a week. After 6 weeks we kissed and i had to be happy, because that was everything i wanted, but i wasnt. Everything was confusing and we talked about it but never came to a solution. While i was thinking about everything he just had another girl and when i found out i was nearly destroyed. I was still in love but i knew that he wasnt. Rumors about me were in school and for me the summer was very hard. But the girl who was now ‘actual’ was unhappy with this situation, too. So that didnt work out. Now she’s a very good friend of mine and i’m glad that anything positive came out after these happenings. We were talking with each other about the feelings for this boy and i was talking to him , too. I didnt want to lose the friendship we had for a few years and sometimes i think it was too important for me. The feelings for my friend were there the whole year. Even now i’m not sure, whether i’m quit with everything. But i also think, that i put too much importance for this kiss. It was my first experience with a guy and i felt like i never could had it worse. My best friend, he has no feelings for me? In my opinion not a good precondition for being happy. I think i didnt want to believe that i knew it couldnt work. secretly i think, i knew everything, but for me i just wanted to have the chance to have it better. But now I’m done with it.  It has no sense to cry about the past. Maybe it was bad for me to be disappointed, but there are soooo many things worse than my situation. I just kissed a guy one time and it didnt work out how i wanted it to do. But it’s okay. I had my friends and also my family for whom i’m really thankful for. especially my best friend melina were there for me and i know that i can tell her everything and she would never leave me alone. Also i am glad to have caro, because i could tell her everything and she is able to make me laugh in every situation. These persons accompanied me the whole year even if they had problems on their own. This is true friendship, to count on somebody in every part of your life. It doesnt matter whether i put to much importance to these experience. For this time i was sad and i didnt know how to make it and they were there to help me ! so i am very thankful to have you :) And now, after i’m done with everything happened, i have no reason to be sad. I love my family and everything is okay. Yeah i don’t have much luck in love but my first kiss is still my friend and now he has a girl friend and i hope that he is going to be happy. Sometimes i feel a little lonely because i want to have luck in love and i want to have someone to be by my side and i reeeeaaallly hope that 2012 will be good to me and bring me a person to whom i can count on like i can count on my friends. From now on i will stay positive and never be sad because of a boy. Thats a huuuuge permission, but i’m going to do that. So thank you! I love you and i’m happy to be alive.